Coping with Pain

I was talking to a friend recently and we were both bemoaning the fact that this year has been really painful. Not only physically, as we've both suffered health set-backs and experienced loved ones being sick, but it also been emotionally difficult. Such hardships have seemed to be more prevalent this year than we remember them being in a long while. As humans, we experience a lot of pain in our lifetimes on this earth. As a fellow human, I fall in the optimist category, thinking that all this pain must mean something. The realists I know are of the mind that it's just what it is, that pain is something we have to face. The pessimists around me wonder what it is all for, asking the hardest question of all:

WHY? 

Even as an optimist I'd love to say I fully believe that pain isn't wasted, that there's a greater purpose than what I can see. But, when I'm in the middle of dealing with pain and sadness and grief, it's really hard to see anything good coming from it. I ran across this incredible synopsis of what the human capacity is to cope with pain. Patrick Rothfuss, the author of The Kingkiller Chronicles as well as The Slow Regard of Silent Things, has this to say about dealing with pain. As you read it, perhaps you, like me, will marvel at how humans face the pains we experience, in all its forms.

“Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.

First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.

Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.

Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind.

Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.”

- Excerpt from The Name of the Wind

In our seasons of pain, I'm sure we all have at least gone through two of the four doors. I personally have felt on the verge of the third door, often finding myself driving down a road I don't remember heading for, thinking that I must be losing my mind. Relatable right now, or not, I think we can all recall times where we were in pain, and felt perhaps more alone than we ever had. That's partly why pain is so powerful. It separates us from others and makes us aware of our frailty as humans. Take heart, my friends, that pain isn't meant to felt in solitude nor in a vacuum. As I've gone through my own pain these past months, I am so grateful that I have friends and family who are willing to walk this road with me. We aren't meant to go through the doors by ourselves.

We can't cope alone. Every day we spend on earth will be filled with some degree of pain and hardship (as the pessimists say), but it can't be helped (as the realists state) and the bigger picture is that something good can still come about because of it (optimists agree). Pain can be a glue, building hope-filled communities, helping humans develop compassion and empathy for and with one another. None of us walk this weary, pain-laden path without at least someone else alongside us.